Torn
by mangyhalfbreed
Summary: Remus decides that he must leave Nymphadora regardless of the pain it will cause the both of them because he knows that she will be better off without him. As expected, she doesn't agree.


"You're... you're _leaving_?" Tonks asked icredulously, voice barely above a whisper as she stood in the living room of her flat while Remus idled near the door, suitcase in hand. The two had been basically living together since after Sirius' death. Remus needed comfort and Tonks absolutely refused to allow him to go off on his own. So, naturally, it seemed like the perfect solution. But as of the past few weeks... he's been acting rather strange.

Nymphadora couldn't quite put a finger on it but it was definitely there. He seemed more distant, as if lost in his dreams constantly. Physical contact was another thing the werewolf seemed to be shying away from. In fact, she barely saw him anymore. Remus was always out doing various shifts for the Order and yet he never seemed to complain about the time they're forced to spend apart.

And today she woke in the early morning at the sounds of footsteps only to shuffle out of bed and find him reaching for the door handle with a suitcase. He was _leaving_ her. He was going to leave while she slept without so much as an explanation! Surely there had to be a reason... he couldn't leave her like this... Remus would _never_ do that.

Remus remained silent so she took a step forward, fighting the lump in her throat. "Order work? You'll be back soon, then... right?" She asked, trying to keep her voice as even as she could.

"Order work," he agreed, voice completely devoid of life and utterly numb. And finally he turned to look at her, his blue hues hardened and full of pain. "Though I am afraid I will not be coming back, Tonks."

Tonks? _Tonks! _Since when in the bloody Hell did he ever call her _'Tonks'? _It was always _'Nymphadora'!_ But she didn't even focused on that little detail because her mind was still reeling from what had just been spoken. Remus wasn't coming back.

He continued before she could form a coherent sentence. "Dumbledore has asked me to go undercover to try and sway the werewolves into joining the cause. I said that I would." All the while Tonks was simply staring at him disbelievingly, mouth agape. "As for... As for you and I..." here, he faltered and closed his eyes, almost as if he were in physical discomfort. "It's over, Tonks."

A strangled sound tore free from her throat, chest aching as if her heart had been severed down the middle with a hot blade. "O-Over?" She managed to get the word out, her hair losing it's remaining purple and plunging into a lifeless, mousy brown. _"Over?" _She asked again, feeling slightly more sure of herself. "What do you mean _over_, Remus? How could you say that? You-... I _love_ you! I've been by your side for ages! Think of everything we've been through together, seen together! _Felt _together... And... and you just say that it's _over_?" Was this some sort of prank?

Remus' jaw tightened and his brows furrowed slightly. Nymph had never, not once, seen him like this before. Her Remus is never cold... but this one was different.

"This is for your own good. You may not think so now, I know that, but in the end... you will see that we never could have been," he said lowly throughout clenched teeth.

Her eyes shot wide. "What are you talking about, Remus? I don't know what planet you live on, but this is the worst possible thing you could ever do for me! We _can_ be. Hell, we _are_." And it was if as he hadn't heard her at all. "Listen to me, damn it! _Talk to me_!" She finally hollered towards him.

"We're _NOT_, Tonks! I just told you - we're _done_," he said icily. "I am too old, too poor, too _dangerous_ to stay here with you! I have nothing to offer you! I refuse to drag you down into the dirt with me to be mocked, to be frowned upon. Just because I am a social pariah doesn't mean you deserve the same fate! No, you deserve better! So much better than that!" He practically snarled.

By now tears were misting within her chocolate hues and she burst forward and gripped his forearm rather tightly, looking to him pleadingly. "I-... Remus, you're all that I want! No one else matters! You honestly think I give a toss about what they think?" She raved, desperate to be heard. "D'you remember when... when we first got together, you asked me what I saw in you. I'll give you the same answer now as I did then - just you, Remus. _You, _all of you. No one could _ever_ amount to you in my eyes! I love you as a man... and I love you as a wolf," she whispered. "_Please_, Remus. You can't leave like this. I need you here. I will _always_ need you with me." She finally broke, the tears gradually spilling down her cheeks and a sob catching in her throat.

Remus' heart clenched and he sighed heavily, shaking his head. How could he ever get it through her head that she would be better off without his presence in her life? How could he make her see? There was only one tactic he could use... And it literally killed him to do it - but if it meant that Tonks would find someone better, someone whom she could be happy with in order to live a more peaceful, normal life, he would do it in a heartbeat. He had to make her hate him.

"You are twenty-four years old, Tonks. You have no idea of what you need. You have so much to learn, to experience. You are just_ too young_," he took her hand in his and savored the warmth for only a moment... before prying it off of his arm. He opened the door, thankful that Tonks couldn't get a glimpse at his face. He looked positively broken and defeated in every sense of the word.

He took a step outside before coming to a halt at, "I am NOT. Will you stop patronizing me for one bloody second? I need you, you daft prick! I need you because_ I love you! _I love you with my whole heart! Doesn't that mean anything? Has it all just been empty words, Remus?"

And Remus literally had to keep his body steady and prepare himself to utter the words that would crush him completely. "I do not love _you_, Tonks. That's the problem."

She physically recoiled as if he'd slapped her.. all the while he was making his way down the hallway of her apartment building and towards the staircase. Whatever was left of her heart had been set on fire, only for the remaining ashes to be flushed down the toilet.

"Remus..." Her voice sounded so unlike her own that it was frightening_. "Remus!"_ She cried, rushing towards him. She knew he was preparing to disapparate. "Remus, wait!"

All the while Moony struggled to keep himself calm, hands trembling. He was walking away from the woman who meant the world and then some to him, the only color he had left in an otherwise black and white existence. He could stand it no longer.

_Forgive me... Please, forgive me,_ he thought.

And then he Disapparated.


End file.
